For whatever reason, I was traipsing around Southern Nevada last week. I even have proof!

I stayed in three different town/cities, of which were named Perump, Caliente, and Laughlin.

Before any of that, however, my travelling companion met up with some old High School friends and had salad. Well, I opted for pancakes instead, but that’s beside the point. The casino, called the Silverton, was set up to look like a “Scheel’s” hunting theme. Didn’t do much for me, but their aquarium was pretty interesting…

The surprise indoor waterfalls added to the atmosphere of the hunting store

Indoor Waterfalls? Only in Vegas.

It was in fact a Koi Pond the whole time!

Hunting influences aside, the rest of the Casino floor had a pretty cool aquatic feel to it. The two bars I spied had pretty lights and a nice atmosphere. The waterfalls in the background really set things up in the whole place. Number one looked like this next to the aquarium…

It's like it's staring into my SOUL

Number two changed colors periodically. ❤

Fantasista

I was tempted to get wasted to the point of idiocy, but thought better of it. Why, I don’t know.

the attraction is going swi~mmingly

I further questioned why I was sober when I realized there were a bunch of chopper bikes from that one show everywhere.

Because these things are totally seaworthy

Unleash the Kraken-bike!

I came, I saw, I had a pancake, then quickly got bored and blacked out for about an hour while I wandered around the casino looking for the pool and topless women. There weren’t any, otherwise I would’ve woken up before I ended up back in the car. Still, I was bored, so I took pictures of my surroundings.

It was here that the first signs of madness began to appear

My ability to reason threatened, I spent the rest of the trip with my head tilted slightly to the left

It was a grueling drive, but eventually I ended up in my first destination- Perump. Apparently it’s famous for legal prostitution. All I saw was a long narrow road with some store chains… I mostly stayed in the Casino and wandered. Lo and behold, I found:

H20verdrive!

It’s a knockoff of Hydro Thunder! Unfortunately, there aren’t any where I live, but it was nice to be able to play the machine for a while…. there wasn’t much else to do in Perump, so I left without too many memories. The trip took me back to Vegas in pursuit of the trail going to Caliente, which is perhaps one of the most obscure towns in Nevada. It was a long drive though, so I inevitably stopped to stuff my face. The location was called “Bilbo’s Bar & Grill”.

The manliest piece of art in existence.

That place easily gave me the manliest meal I have ever tasted. I feel manlier just thinking about it.

The manliest Sandwhich in existence (probably)

What the sandwhich lacked in size, it made up for in making me full.

Eventually, after a thorough adventure that would take 3-4 movies or 16 volumes (or seven video game spin-offs) to illustrate, I arrived in Caliente. I think there may have been a horse involved.

Trees in your Bees or something

Note that Southern Nevada is very hot. In temperature. Therefore, no one wanted to do anything until it was late. I was thoroughly miffed until I realized I was severely dehydrated, and decided to agree. To disagree. With agreeing. Not that they were wrong, mind you, but I have 50 dollars, and that’s all that matters. My traveling companion won $300 gambling by the way.

Cool wall mural

Suddenly I learned something rather disturbing about Caliente…

Caliente is stuck in a Time Warp!!!

I deduced that anything other than time manipulation was impossible, because I haven’t seen the LiveWire flavor of Mountain Dew since the Summer of ’07.  I promptly left and ended up in Laughlin, Nevada. It’s on the Colorado river, right next to Colorado as opposed to Wisconsin. It was supposed to be “the strip on water”. You can see the madness taking hold in the distance as a result of these people’s delusions of grandeur.

Stalking Eeeeeeveryone

This was my view from the hotel room. It upset me greatly, and so I took my shoes off and went to the beach! Because the pool was too convenient… >.>

Easy Breezy Beautiful SHUT UP

Ducks invaded, but I prevailed

Some people, however, couldn't wait and took matters into their own hands

Unfortunately I was still unable to locate the topless women. It should be noted that I spent a few days in Laughlin as opposed to the overnite stays in both Perump and Caliente. This is the reason for my increased despair of not bringing my dowsing rod.

Hot Dog with Everything on it. Even the things you don't want to see.

The Avi, which is the casino/resort I stayed at in Laughlin, is a Native American property, and as such is exempt from a whole lot of stuff I’m not aware of and carries with it a fascinating culture.

Native Americans have a fascinating culture.

Not the least of the things I saw was that fireworks and other such otherwise banned materials are all over the place. Truly these properties are the last bastion of safety in the Communist regime of the United States of Corporate America.

They don't f#@$% around.

Not to mention, Native Americans have many things to say about life that hold true even under the tightest of scrutiny.

Wiser words have probably been said, but I don't care at the moment.

There were other various attractions around Laughlin as well.

Pooch.

I had to create another entire universe in my black hole of a stomach just to eat this.

However, things promptly went south with the advent of an overwhelming, albeit expected counterattack.

Blitzkriege tactics at their finest.

I was forced to quickly retreat, and eventually found myself on a plane home. It was an excellent trip, the reason for which I’m not entirely aware of. Apparently I’m making money though, so yippee!

Advertisements