There's really nothing better to do out here...

I had the opportunity while traversing throughout southern Nevada this past week to see both “The Karate Kid” and “The A-Team”, two remakes, one of an old ’60s TV show and one of a film that had Mr. Miyagi in it.

Mr. Miyagi teaches random white boy how to wait tables

They both try to be original in their own ways, however. The original A-Team television show was about a dishonored military squad who would take odd jobs from people who couldn’t turn to anyone else for a solution. Others watching it compared it to the TV show “Leverage” with more explosions. Yeah, sounds pretty al~right. In the new film’s case it’s basically their origin story, which is utterly ridiculous to the point that I wish it was a video game. Liam Neeson, the badass from “Taken”, is the chessmaster leader who plans every ridiculous thing in the movie, which was a pleasant surprise. Of course, it’s a straight up action movie about the team trying to regain their honor after being set-up, and given that the TV show has been around for something like 50 years, we all know how that goes. Or not. Kids these days. They don’t remember their roots!



The original “Karate Kid” movie was a simple story of a kid learning to man up and kick people’s asses when they were being idiots. Also, he got a car. The new Karate Kid movie focuses less on the ass-kicking and more on “Crowning Moments of Heartwarming”, as TVtropes would put it. The movie primarily focuses on Jaden Smith’s father-son bond with Jackie Chan. Interesting to note, Jaden Smith apparently went full-on with his kung fu training, though I’m unsure if he used a stunt double.

"this is how you take dump in China!"

"this is how you take dump in China!"

Still, throughout the movie I was imagining the reactions that several of my friends would have… both hilarious and disheartening that I know such people. We’re all basterds. One thing that I will say, though, is that the actual fight scenes (as opposed to funny training scenes, plot scenes, or Jaden Smith getting gut-punched by angry asian kids) are pretty badass and reasonably authentic. There was also some random asian guy with spiky hair, which we all know is a recipe for success….


spiky hair can be used as a hidden weapon

I’ll probably see A-Team again, but I’ll only do the same with Karate Kid if I can get a bunch of my…. tainted friends to sit down and watch it while I copypasta their hilarious remarks….



Karate Kid gets a 4/5 for beating up African Americans while A-Team gets a 30/5 for having explosions. I wander if Twilight Eclipse will be this good???!!!!!


…you’re right. That was in terribly bad taste. Sorry~